We celebrated my 22nd Birthday today at Candeloris.
I dont often do this anymore because i feel weird talking about my real emotions on this blog now. but im going to write from the heart. (not that i didnt before, but i limited myself to express a lot more than i normally feel... lol lame.)
I had a dream the other night, that i was all dressed up in my blue uniform ready for school.
i was hanging out with all my school friends and when the bell rang i had no idea where i had to go.
i was stressing out so much because i can see all the other children rushing to class.. but i didnt know what class i had.. so i thought about skipping school, but i was also scared of being caught too.. and i paniced so much that i woke up from the dream.. thinking i had to be in school
then i realise that i've left highschool 5 years ago..
5!!!!
every year when people ask me "so how does it feel to be 'whatever age i turned". i usually just say it feels normal, because it does..
but this didnt.
im finally at the point of no return! LOL!
I never thought i would live to this age. and i never thought i would still want to live after it.. lol.
but things have changed so much and as the years have gone by, everything keeps getting better and better.
i use to be that lonely kid when i was younger, the dreamer that wished to have someone love me.. (which is why i trust people to easily)
and i use to be so lonely that i made up my own little world. my own world that was far better than this one.. that i would try to commit suicide just to be there.
but i no longer need that place. because i am so happy now.
i've struggled so much before with a horrible abusive boyfriend, friends who were people i should've even call friends.. seriously.. i hated the people around me so much that i had nothing good to say about them. and the people i never got to see as much.
and i never knew my family aside from my brother and parents..
but i am so full of bliss at the moment, knowing that i have so much now.. (and i did appciate what i had before, but i kept thinking that if i died, no one would really care.. and people would just get over it)
i am an overly positive person.. i always was a positive person.. but only because it was the only real think keeping me sane enough..
and i just want to thank everyone that are in my life now.. because my life wouldn't be the same without them.
so here comes a lot of names and sappy words :)
Gillian - One of the most important people in my life. She is my reason for believing in religion and giving something a chance. she is my hindsight and my inspiration to being a better person all the time. And Almerik is an amazing person too :) because even tho i am gills friend, he is still there for me.
Ajay - My longest friend.. The person whos been by my side for SO MANY YEARS!!!!! i can talk her for ages about everything. we've known eachother for nearly 2 decades now.. but i hope we never stop knowing eachother, Till death do us part :)
Lana - My little sister :) the closet thing i've got to a sister. and like so, i'll love her no matter what :)
Tina - Another highschool buddy =D! From all the friendships in highschool that didnt last, i so glad this one did, because it was never actually expected that in the end we've become best friends.
Kerrie - We live such different lives, such different personalities and yet we're so close :) thank you for being there for me for all the little and big things.
i dont wanna add the rest because it sorta feel repetitive.. but im seriously so greatful for the friends i have...
But i do want to mention another person that has changed my life.
My friend Tim, not the ones i mention often, but my family friend tim.. his changed my life so much.. him and his family have been looking after me as well and i thank them so much for giving me a second chance at life.
and i am so happy to have such an amazing boyfriend..
His quit smoking for me
He got a job, his license and a car just to support buy me nice things.
He got braces because i told him i wouldn't marry him if he had crooked front teeth...
He has to deal with my health problems, violent side and moodiness as well as try to look after me.
he has to deal with Kerrie being my bff.. (sorry Kerrie lol)
And he has to deal with my recent celibacy because I'm not attracted to men. (i had to mention that, because i dont want people to think his doing all that for a selfish reason..)
and with everything he has to deal with, his been patient, caring and tries to be as perfect as he can (even tho it sucks)
im so happy to have such a wonderful boyfriend who lets me be whatever i want to be..
and has to deal with the fact that i the biggest bitch to him.
I Love my life...
i hope i didnt babble on too much :)
