Saturday, April 27, 2013

where did all the food entries go?

knowing someone SO well that you both say the same thing at the same time.

That is true friendship.

And to remind myself later what all this means.
i asked lana to help me out on my book. i asked her if my male character were an animal, what animal would he be. and if my female character were an animal what would she be.
i said my answer without waiting for hers
and she answered my question.

And we both said the same thing, an eagle and a black panther.

then we both loled at the idea for 5 minutes or more that we both happened to say the same thing.
i would screenshot it, but i wrote 'egal' not 'eagle' LOL!!!!!!!!!!

but its just crazy she knows me and my characters so well.

Also, im marveled at a lot of other things this week too.
That types of elements can 'move' someone.
it might just be the fact that this week, im feeling like such a women... you know, moody and stuff.
But i found myself crying to the current book im reading... in public.

then i watched a movie, which was shit, but it still managed to scare me, leaving my heart racing and paniced.

Then i listened to music that made me want to cry and dance in joy.

VERY EMOTIONAL NAT lol. but i find it amazing. that something like that feels like such a drug.

i also am amazing at how inspiration comes to me (i only say myself in this because i dont know how other people get inspirations)
but lately, i've found pieces of works, and such of that sort, things that bring me to create more! :)
i love being inspired. just an empowering feeling.

oh, and i saw some old naked photos of myself recently. and felt horrible. not because i was naked.. sorta. but because the person im looking at is not the person i am now. which is good and bad.
who i am now wouldnt do that anymore.. sorta. LOL!
but, the person i am now does not have the confidence to do that anymore... its completely gone. i dont feel sexy anymore, i dont love my body as much as i use to.
and i find that devastating!!!

BAH ! ohwell;
i shall continue my readings and blog some other time. but i think i might change my blog around. its been getting more personal and less um.. subject related?
Night y'all

Thursday, April 25, 2013

the geek in my blooms.

Writers block gone. Reading helps A LOT!
i finally put my foot down and listened while reading to Jane Eyre, now there is a British women narrating my thoughts, which is pretty gosh darn cool.

But i should mention my life outside of my writing shell. cause i've had quite a lot of work recently.

1) i was modeling for my friends shoot.
And i can tell you, That was HARD WORK!!!
it was completely out of my comfort, because im pretending to be Rhianna, who i dont really like.. i mean, shes gorgeous, don't get me wrong. but i just never fancied her. ever.
i had to hold in my bloated belly, wore the highest heels, like i swear you could not walk let alone stand in them. and it have my whole body covered in make up. cause im a sorta pale asian. sorta..

But it was a good experience.
i would much perfer being behind the camera. or dressing up as someone i like =D
like Angelina Jolie <3 p="">
but man, this experience really made me want plastic surgery.. lol! i really dont like my face. and im not just saying that to get all that sympathy.. but seriously, from an artist point of view, my face is so boring, able to be manipulated.. my eyes are so small and my nose is so big.
but i dont care too much, if i cant do things to myself i can easily do it to someone else and take photos of that =P just, sometimes creativity comes at unwanted unnecessary times.

2) i had another paid photoshoot :)

and scheduled for 2 more soon.

3) Had a little shoot with my lovely model Hairly.
shes been feeling iffy about her braces, but i actually love it on her. i think braces are beautiful =D
and the photo above came out just the way i had envisioned it.
 This one was actually weird. you know when you say a word so many times in a row, the word then gets confusing and weird? well i was watching Hairlys arm there for so long that it started to look so strange and out of place, like my eyes were going crazy and the had detached her arm and it was hanging off her head or something.

And cause of all these recent photos uploaded onto my facebook, i've gotten 2 other people asking me for photos, gotta love facebook hey ;)

4) After staying up for like.. 2 days or something i thought i would continue my creative spur, while i still had it, with some drawings.
drawn with what i use to call 'a pazor'...?? or what people actually calls them - mechanical pencil!
the hair was the biggest bitch of all. stupid hair..
im still pissed it doesnt look 100% like her. >=(!!!

5) as my love for classical music bloomed, i was able to go to the symphony =D
it was an amazing show.
and i couldnt believe they played one of the songs that have been on my repeat list on itunes =D!!

6) i was able to catch up with lots of my girlfriends
was able to see Tina, Gillian, Lana, Stella and Hairly all in one week.

7) My car died again... in campise AGAIN!
CPU fucked up, needed to get it replaced. costed $1300, so im broke for the next couple of weeks :( mooo..

8) im up to my 15th chapter... BOO-YEAH! =D so proud of myself.
but it dawned on me...
This story im writing is my life. literally..
its where i go to when i dream, its where i go to when im depressed, its where i wanted to go to all those times i had suicidal thoughts..
and now its being written down, over 10 years worth of memory about something that never existed..

What if people dont like it? (not that i should care, its written for me...)
What if it ends though... then what?
it would feel like my life is completely over..
when i go to sleep after, and have my lucid dreams, where would i go then?

i dont know if anyone could ever relate to that..

maybe people with mental health issues...

speaking of which.
9) My dad spoke to me the other day about our family.. and he, in a way, referred to me as a disabled person. i mean, not that he said that... he just said "and you being the way you are"
but i knew what he was talking about... and thats what he meant..
but i never really thought i was that type of burden.. but i guess i am.
i mean, not that i need someone looking after me all the time. and im not as bad as being 'disabled' sounds..
but i know im not 'normal'
or then i would have a full time job, and my dad wouldnt have said that...

it makes me a little sad, that i cant help out the way i want...
but i cant change the way i am,
unless im on drugs or something? lol!!

Somebody give me drugs already >=(!!!

Off to dream some more =D

Sorry if that got a little depressing, i didnt mean it to be. just thought i'd blog about EVERYTHING and look back of in later and slap my today self from the future.

Wednesday, April 24, 2013

Writers road block

I have finally hit a small writers block. and its sorta killing me on the inside. maybe because its getting much too cold to stay on the computer for long enough to push out a couple more chapters, or that im trying to write a part that i havent dreamt up yet.. so i'd be going off completely improvisation.. Man, stupid blank mind.
but on better side of things, i've picked up a couple of more books to read.
The last song by Nicholas Sparks (its about love and music. stuff im writing about.. so i hope it helps. also, if its as good as save haven, than i am very excited)
Gossip girl, the second book. i dont know about that one. it is very easy to read and follow, but the writing in it isnt the best... still.. it is very easy to get through.
Grace Notes, another book about music. this book complicates my mind just a little, because it has no chapters... so i never know when to stop or start. and im 1/4 way though and its stuck on the same subject, which is death... its making it hard to keep wanting to read it :(
Romeo & Juliet as well as A midsummer's night dream, my goal one day is to finally be able to understand Shakespeare
Jane Eyre on audiobook, which sounds sooo interesting atm, but its soooo hard to follow while im multitasking. but i might purchase a hardcover copy when i get a chance to go into a book store (because book stores are so hard to find these days)
and "the Secret Caselle Baby", lol, tina use to love reading those types of books, and i thought i would actually pick one up today while shopping.. and i read the first line in a random page..
"breathing unevenly, he flung his head back, nostrils flared, eyes half closed before cupping those breasts in his big hands and rubbing......" well.. you know...
After i read that i thought i just had to buy it now.. LOL!!!!!!!!!
its for my research!! i promise ;) hahaha..

and i also have some books my friends have lend me! =D which i should get too one day :( but i keep picking up more books from the library..

Anyways, so, i went shopping today.. and i swear it felt like the weirdest thing to do now. because i had no idea what to do?
i didnt need anymore clothes, i dont need nor can afford any more electronics... i shouldnt really be buying books, mainly because i can rent them at the library. the book i got was 6$ so its not too bad..
and i really dont need or want anything else.. i think the only thing i would have gotten if i were at a place like bunnings or spotlight were material for my cosplay. but other than that, the shops feel like nothing to me at the moment....
Maybe i've kicked my shopping addiction!!!! :O! omg.

Bahh anyways, failed attempt at writing.. i might just go and read or something.

chat soon!

Tuesday, April 16, 2013

chapter 11

Oh yeah!! on a roll!!! =D! 34 pages into my writing, and 11 chapters down. god.. writing is fun. makes me blush and feel butterflies and all that stuff.

i also spent yesterday reading for 7 hours to finish my book. that was intense. but i don't think reading for that long is good, not that its not.. but that's a lot of stuff to process through all at once. that book was crazy tho.
i ended up picking up 'save haven' when i was in the library cause i wanted something dramatically romantic. and that was the only one there from Nickolaus sparks.
But it turns out that it wasnt as romantic as i thought, it was actually more scary and haunting... to me at least.. because it just reminded me of my past relationship.
and it made me feel so angry... the abusive husband in the story didnt know what he did wrong, he didnt know that hitting her was wrong and he shouldnt have done that in the first place. and that made me so angry because i was in that same spot. i was conviced that he wasnt hitting me or doing anything wrong. he tells me and everyone else that i was the crazy one, that i provoked him. but even so, you should never ever hit a women..
i thought i was strong before, but i know now that i will never be as strong as any man is...
the book just reminded me about all those shit that did happen. and shit did happen.

but while reading the book i kept turning to dave and feeling completely safe that im with a man like him. he is completely perfect... in all the good ways at least :)

even if i found someone who made more money, was hot as hell or gave me lady tinglies, it wouldn't matter, because in the end, he is who i feel 100% comfortable with.

ANYWAYS! should get to my writing. and to sleep... omg i need sleepppppppppp =(

Monday, April 15, 2013

When forever really means forever.

The other day i spent till 4am talking to Ajay and Lana about our past. they have been the longest friendship i've had. like, i've known people longer, but i havent really been friends with them for as long.
and i went through my photos and found some of these photos that made me really miss our old innocent times together.
 You could totally spot the odd one out.
 Ajay took me to my first concert, Kisschasy :)
 Our christmases together
 Lana putting on eyeliner for the first time
 Passionfloower was our second home. (not reallly)
 Lol, thought i'd add a picture of my brother into it, haha
 sometimes i wonder how we did all this without alcohol and drugs.
i mean, who goes to the park and makes balloon animals?
 Doing it before everyone else was.

 Our little birthday celebration for Lana, without her... lol

 Our easter picnic, i have no idea how we didnt get any clearer photos of that.
 obsession with fudge

 Ajays birthday

 Well, its been such a wonderful 12 years together :)

i would say more, but they already know how i feel =D i tell them i love them whenever we talk haha

Tuesday, April 9, 2013

My new love

I've been so busy lately. sort of at least... busy with things that aren't exactly that important to anyone else but myself.
And the things i should actually be doing, such as trying to find a full time job, or adding to my portfolio, as well as talk to centerlink about getting my payments back -_- (because my job agency said i should...) i've completely put aside.

But i should actually talk about my trip to Fiji! because its been the highlight of the year so far.
but i've been so sad since i've come back, and i also have a stomach bug too.. im not sure if i got it there? but i've been feeling sick the past 5 or so days....

Sooo on the 25th of March, My lovely friend Kerrie drove us to the airport to go to Fiji!! how exciting..
At the airport, we saw Kevin Rudd..
We had a nice long plane ride there, sitting in the emergency seats because they had extra leg room. When we arrived at the airport we were greeted by Fijians playing the guitar, welcoming us into their country. that was very lovely.
We then arrived at our first hotel, Raffles, which was close to the airport.
This was our hotel suite. Dave had upgraded us into one of their 5 Suites they had there. it was really nice. and it was great being on a king sized bed.
i loved that there were flowers everywhere.
 One of their swimming pools. This one is the slide pool, i was actually standing on the slide to take that shot.
Dave and i arrived at the hotel around 3pm? and we didnt have much to do there besides rest because it was only a pit stop before we head to another island the next day.
So we swam, ate, watched tv and slept. as well as took photos.

Day 2 - Our trip to Mana Island.
 We traveled by boat on the South Sea Cruise. For an extra $20 per person Dave upgraded us to be in the captions lounge, away from the blazing sun and humidity. as well as all you can eat snacks and drinks!! (they didnt have much, but it was free!) Free alcohol too!!! woo.
 And photos from off the boat.
 Mana Island.
i was greeted by a japanese women there who spoke to me in japanese. i was awfully confused. i even had a video of it because i was trying to record the guitar greeting they had, but was interrupted by the lady.. lol.
Dave and i got too excited, threw out things in our room, changed into our bathers and ran out to snorkel. we had actually packed our own snorkel gear for the trip, but it turns out that they provide snorkel gear free of charge there. as well as many other free activities.
Our view from our room.
 We saw a lot of tropical fish in the water. but i wasn't able to take much photos of them because they moved too fast.
 there were these little fishes that kept swimming with us, it was cute.
And the highlight of our day, a giant trigger-fish (or what looked like a trigger fish, but it had different teeth) chased us. i also have a video of that too, but half the video contained my feet because we panicked and tried to swim away. the fish had frikin teeth!

Day 3 - Fan weaving

Melon Cracking. The Fijian people are so cheeky, they have this game where you walk up to a melon, and crack it with a stick. but you have to do it blind folded, and spin 3 times before taking ur steps. and it was so funny watching everyone try..
 i was able to poke a sea cucumber.. (it wasnt poo, i swear)
 Was able to get some awesome landscape shots.

Because it was a stormy day, Dave and i booked a spa day together.
IT WAS AMAZING!!!!!! it was so cheap as well.. well.. not THAT cheap... but compared to everything else they had there, it was pretty good. $70 AUD per couple, for an hour including herbal tea.
you have no idea how amazing it was.. it was outdoors, secluded, we were able to be naked! i love being naked!!! and it was just so beautiful and natural.

After that Dave and i just relaxed on the beach.

At night time they had a little thing called 'Crab Racing'
People place bets as they auction off the little hermit crabs. bets started low, but because everyone got into it the lowest bet ended up being $25FJD and the highest was about $160USD? or something. some chinese man was drunk and really eager to buy the china crab. haha
The total bets ended up being $660FJD

Then they place all the crabs under a little bucket in the middle of the circle and when ready, they lifted up the bucket and watched the tiny little crabs run. the first one to cross the circle won $300FJD, second place was $200FJD and 3rd was $160FJD. it was very amusing.

Day 4! It was a hot hot day.
After realising that kayaking was free! and also on my list of things i wanted to do before i die. we decided to rent the kayaks and paddle into the ocean.
i didnt know diddlysquat about kayaking, so dave did most of the work.
but it felt like a scene from 'life of pi'
there were gaming fish splashing about, and the birds swooping to try and catch them. it was pretty awesome.

Dave and i participated in the coconut hunting activities. and for a place with a lot of coconut trees, we couldn't find any coconuts on the floor! we needed to find the coconut to make some coconut ice cream, no coconut, no ice cream :(
We came back empty handed... but they other people had found some coconuts. but they werent edible.. but the activity staff actually got a couple of fresh ones and grinned the flesh to make some ice cream.
We didnt actually make make the ice cream, we just mixed vanilla ice cream into the coconut shavings.
Dave and i took some photos of me =D
 bwahaha.. the scene was too nice, i couldnt help forcing him to take photos of me.
i ended up finding a coconut.. but it wasnt edible.

After that Dave and i watched a little 'Explore the Reef' thing hosted by their japanese scuba diver.

Then we went to our night snorkeling trip. we got to the place about 6pm, the time they had told us to meet. but they have this thing there called 'fiji time', it basiclly means that they are too relaxed that things get delayed a lot. so we ended up eaiting till 7-7.30pm before we actually got into the water.

They gave us these giant torches. Dave and i got life jackets because we were lazy.. lol.
and we took a boat out to some area where the moon shined on us and headed into the water.
But i dont have any photos from the dive. 
because this is what happened when i used flash. all those specks of waterdust..
and that's what it looked like without it.
But thats essentially what we saw there. only, we could see it clearer. but only if u shine ur torch at the certain object.
We ended up seeing sharks, i missed the first batch of sharks but i did get a glimpse of one swimming away for a second.

but after that trip i felt really sick. it felt like morning sickness. (not that i was ever pregnant) but i've had those very very very odd sick feeling a couple of times what involved pressure on my womenly parts.. so im assuming thats what morning sickness feels like.
because it seriously doesnt feel like anything else i've ever felt.
i might just have been seasick tho? having the life jackets on, swaying in the water like that...
but im pretty sure it was the pressure from the wet suit.

anyways, we ended up having an early night that night.

Day 5! we cancelled our scuba diving trip because dave n i were still feeling sick. and ended up not doing anything that day because it was a wet day. so we slept in for the first time. (till 11pm, not my type of sleeping in)
i was sitting in front of the infinity pool when dave went to throw our rubbish away.. but he disappeared for so long... lol it turned out that he was 'ragged' into playing vollyball with some of the pretty Fijian girls there..(when we saw them after they were all flirting with Dave.. not often that ever happens to him)
And at night was a Polynesian dance show, that included fire!!

Day 6, We finally enjoyed breakfast outdoors. it was lovely. a cat attacked me! sorta..

Then went on the sub sea cruise, a mini submarine boat thingy.
Click for bigger picture!!
After some editing, the photos we took actually turned out really well.. after editing.. lol
so if anyone else ever goes and their photos dont turn out like mine, well its cause u havent edited it.

We went for another round of kayaking =)
Had a little dress up session.

Dave and I booked for another spa date, A honey scrub. we got a foot spa then they scrubs us with honey, oil and sugar, then we had a shower, and they massaged us lotion till we were all soft and yummy.

Dave and i attended a kava ceremony. drank some kava that made us feel weird and numb. lol

Went to sunset beach.
Say, if i were to set up the camera to its right settings, told Dave what i wanted how and how i wanted the photo. even tho he took it, would that still be my photo?
Because i believe it is, but i know im going to get some shit for it later because i was actually in the photo.
But Andy Warhol did it, and his famous for a lot of things he didnt personally 'make' on his own.

Then went to have an A la carte dinner, which we wished we had been there earlier instead of leaving it till our last day.

We then saw the Meke Show then headed to our rooms to pack.

Day 7! i woke up early because the birds were singing and the sun was blazing. early as in 7am.. i've never woken up that early for no reason in ages!!
but it was the most beautiful morning, and our last day at Mana Island so we unpacked our snorkel gear and headed to the beach.
Amazing way to end our stay there.
The water was so clear and warm, the tide was high, the sun was bouncing off the reflection in the sand, it was really amazing.
We stayed at the Raddison, it was a gorgeous hotel. but i honestly liked Mana Island more. i can visit any nice hotel anywhere in the world, but its the people there that makes the biggest difference. and i truely fell in love with the people at Mana Island.
The Raddison was okay, there were nice people there too, but it was different.
But as for beauty of the hotel, although all this was man made, it was such an amazing view to look out too. This was actually the view from our hotel room. They also had an awesome bathroom too. i am a sucker for bathrooms, and that was a bathroom i would like in my home one day =D!!!
Dave and i had a nice time there, we got to be a little more couply than all the other nights where i was too invested in all my books while dave did nothing or played with his phone.. lol.

But it was great.

Oh, and we went shopping too.

DAY 8! our last day in FIJI!!!

Dave and didnt do much really..
woke up, checked out, i read my book while dave surfed through my facebook. went to the airport, bought some duty free stuff.
and had our 5 hour flight home. i finished my book in an hour through the flight, so i had nooo idea what to do for the time after that, and because we went on a flight that also 'suited everyone elses schedule, which included babies' the plane was full and we werent able to move around as much as we wanted. but dave did manage to get my other book from our carry on luggage.
Then a couple of babies got sick... it was horrible!! CONFINED AREA WITH VOMIT SMELL!! ew..
hate babies..

Anyways!! it took me like 4 hours to write this blog. it doesnt seem like it would take that long but it did. it is currently 3am and i havent even started with my writing :(

BUT! to my title, it refers to 2 things! My new love for Fiji! honestly, i've known those people there as long as i've known my relatives in vietnam.. (well.. sorta) and when we left mana island, i just wanted to cry because i was going to miss them a lot. they were really just like family.

But in saying that, i really should stop falling in love with people.

BUT! i actually wrote the title to explain that i have a new love, which is classical music!!! i am slowly getting obsessed with it.
slowly because each piece lasts for over 10mins, more even.. so it takes a little bit of time to go through it all.

ANYWAYS! i should be off, maybe write a little before i sleep :)
But i will write more about Fiji and photography, because i have so much photos!!! and feel like i havent explained my whole experience there

Night night! hope u enjoyed reading.
i havent edited it, so as always, dont mind my mistakes etc.