Thursday, April 25, 2013

the geek in my blooms.

Writers block gone. Reading helps A LOT!
i finally put my foot down and listened while reading to Jane Eyre, now there is a British women narrating my thoughts, which is pretty gosh darn cool.

But i should mention my life outside of my writing shell. cause i've had quite a lot of work recently.

1) i was modeling for my friends shoot.
And i can tell you, That was HARD WORK!!!
it was completely out of my comfort, because im pretending to be Rhianna, who i dont really like.. i mean, shes gorgeous, don't get me wrong. but i just never fancied her. ever.
i had to hold in my bloated belly, wore the highest heels, like i swear you could not walk let alone stand in them. and it have my whole body covered in make up. cause im a sorta pale asian. sorta..

But it was a good experience.
i would much perfer being behind the camera. or dressing up as someone i like =D
like Angelina Jolie <3 p="">
but man, this experience really made me want plastic surgery.. lol! i really dont like my face. and im not just saying that to get all that sympathy.. but seriously, from an artist point of view, my face is so boring, able to be manipulated.. my eyes are so small and my nose is so big.
but i dont care too much, if i cant do things to myself i can easily do it to someone else and take photos of that =P just, sometimes creativity comes at unwanted unnecessary times.

2) i had another paid photoshoot :)

and scheduled for 2 more soon.

3) Had a little shoot with my lovely model Hairly.
shes been feeling iffy about her braces, but i actually love it on her. i think braces are beautiful =D
and the photo above came out just the way i had envisioned it.
 This one was actually weird. you know when you say a word so many times in a row, the word then gets confusing and weird? well i was watching Hairlys arm there for so long that it started to look so strange and out of place, like my eyes were going crazy and the had detached her arm and it was hanging off her head or something.

And cause of all these recent photos uploaded onto my facebook, i've gotten 2 other people asking me for photos, gotta love facebook hey ;)

4) After staying up for like.. 2 days or something i thought i would continue my creative spur, while i still had it, with some drawings.
drawn with what i use to call 'a pazor'...?? or what people actually calls them - mechanical pencil!
the hair was the biggest bitch of all. stupid hair..
im still pissed it doesnt look 100% like her. >=(!!!

5) as my love for classical music bloomed, i was able to go to the symphony =D
it was an amazing show.
and i couldnt believe they played one of the songs that have been on my repeat list on itunes =D!!

6) i was able to catch up with lots of my girlfriends
was able to see Tina, Gillian, Lana, Stella and Hairly all in one week.

7) My car died again... in campise AGAIN!
CPU fucked up, needed to get it replaced. costed $1300, so im broke for the next couple of weeks :( mooo..

8) im up to my 15th chapter... BOO-YEAH! =D so proud of myself.
but it dawned on me...
This story im writing is my life. literally..
its where i go to when i dream, its where i go to when im depressed, its where i wanted to go to all those times i had suicidal thoughts..
and now its being written down, over 10 years worth of memory about something that never existed..

What if people dont like it? (not that i should care, its written for me...)
What if it ends though... then what?
it would feel like my life is completely over..
when i go to sleep after, and have my lucid dreams, where would i go then?

i dont know if anyone could ever relate to that..

maybe people with mental health issues...

speaking of which.
9) My dad spoke to me the other day about our family.. and he, in a way, referred to me as a disabled person. i mean, not that he said that... he just said "and you being the way you are"
but i knew what he was talking about... and thats what he meant..
but i never really thought i was that type of burden.. but i guess i am.
i mean, not that i need someone looking after me all the time. and im not as bad as being 'disabled' sounds..
but i know im not 'normal'
or then i would have a full time job, and my dad wouldnt have said that...

it makes me a little sad, that i cant help out the way i want...
but i cant change the way i am,
unless im on drugs or something? lol!!

Somebody give me drugs already >=(!!!

Off to dream some more =D

Sorry if that got a little depressing, i didnt mean it to be. just thought i'd blog about EVERYTHING and look back of in later and slap my today self from the future.