i am in a very very chatty mood at the moment.. i want to talk to dave but his completely passed out!! =( i want to hug him too.. but his always sweaty.. i think his having one of those running dreams again..
Actually.. speaking of dreams.. i had the most fucked up dream last night..
we went to bed at 5am because we were out late at a work party.. and dont think im some trash that goes out late every night.. a work party actually starts after work... so after we finish our shifts around midnight we drive to the bosses place and party.. sorta..
the party was actually really fun, we ended up playing celebrity heads cause we started a game at work.. and didnt finish it.. really fun game when everyones into it
anyways.. in my dream.. i had beheaded 2 people and was trying to find a way to get rid of the body..
YES.. Pretty fucked up.. cause it was REALLY GRAPHIC..
i ended up dumping the headless body in the dump where there were old broken mannequins were thrown away..
then i had to get rid of the 2 blood soaked heads..
i wrapped them both in pastic bags.. then carried them out with a bag of cereal that i bought for dave to hide the fact i had human heads in the bag..
and i wanted to dump them in the swamp but i was too afraid someone had seen me..
and i ended up waking up at 9am..
my dreams after that were of how scared i was of that previous dream... LOL
anyways, ii gotta pee.. =D
Hi all!!! i am finally in the comfort of daves room.. i dont know what his doing at the moment.. i think his getting me food? i think.. all i know is i told him i was hungry before he left the room mumbling something..
i wasnt actually listening to him..
Well work was pretty busy today oddly enough for a sunday.. normally it would be pretty dead, but with me, steve and a new girl working.. we really couldnt handle it..
Well i got photos up!!! WOO
we walked all 4 of my dogs the other week.. it was soo much work! but it was amazingly fun.. i love seeing my dogs happy..
and they do say..
Never underestimate how much cuddling a puppy does to your mood..
IT IS AMAZING
and the party photos.
we didnt take as much photos as normal.. cause if i had my own camera then that would be a different story..
but i've been using daves sisters camera, its pretty good.. but it really lags..
Well im at that stage in life again where i want to redeem myself as a nice person.. LOL
its just something i gotta do for myself to know that i am acceptable to myself....
so i thought i would apologise to someone that i've had a stupid grudge over for a while now for nothing sides the fact that it was nice to blame it on someone.. or just to hate someone..
i would apologise to all the other people too.. but i guess that there really wasnt my fault..
in mean i would apologise to phuong.. but i wasnt the one who didnt stop hating and being a bitch.. (what.. its true)
But i do miss her sometimes..
you know who i do miss tho..
timmy.. !
at lanas party we were sitting in the kitchin talking a little like we use to..
i really miss that.. i havent been able to just sit down and talk to anyone sides dave..
but thats cause we live together now, its just easier..
i also realised a little thing timmy does when i get a new guy in my life
he would instantly make fun of them if he doesnt like them..
and you know what.. he didnt do it about dave..
ahaha its a small thing.. but i think it matters.
i just had a nice long ass conversation with him over life..
i dont really need to recap on what happened on friday right? it was just a small little party at my place for our special little lana who finally turn 16! horay.. tho she still isnt allowed to come out with us, but its ok.. another 2 more years to go.. and we'll be holding that cruise party for her like we said we would last year.. just cause shes awesome =D
the only thing i think was a tad off this time was that we ran out of food very very fast.. and i spent quite alot of money on food..
ohwell.. it all went well.. =D
it was really nice seeing everyone again ^__^ i wasnt able to talk to much people tho cause i was completely dead from all the preparation
i shall post the pictures up soon! when i get on my computer..
well i really gotta blog later! i really need to get to work soon ^__^
God dammit.. how can something so little make such a difference in my way of thinking..
i am so sick of unwanted people wanting to know about my life
it just makes me want to rip my heart out with a knife
but i guess there is a positive to the 'no emotions thing' i have at the moment..
all those angry thoughts.. or depressing thoughts are now gone.. and i guess i cant do much about it..
i dont know what to do tho.. i dont know how to think anymore.. i have a negative past that haunts me everytime im reminded of things.. and its pretty often..
i dont have a large foundation of trust anymore.. or reliability.. sometimes it just feels like no one really cares.. but i guess im not really asking for anything.. i mean what could anyone do to help...?
i dont know what im complaining about anymore.. everything seems so pointless now..
But there is such an amazing positive in it all at the moment..
i have such a loving boyfriend.. i know i say it a lot.. but his amazing..
he really makes me believe that everything will be okay..
i love him so much for it...
and i love my friends so much.. they are my world.. i hope they all know that
sometimes it just really does feel like things would be much easier if everything was completely over..
and thats where the doctor would be handy..
Wednesday, May 26, 2010
i finally got my webcam here! woo
and you can see we've already made myself home.. haha mess mess everywhere..
got my photos developed today!!! woo ^__^
i finally talked to my dad again and he wants me to move back, he gave me all my cameras back tho.. but i am still missing my pink camera =( dave said that he is going to replace my new camera.. with a newer camera!!! =D! woo..
i have another day off work today because it is frikin cold and raining.. think about it.. who the hell would want some ice cream on a day like this.
so lately me and dave have been re-watching the entire series of 'how i met your mother' because i said that i wouldn't watch any new episode season 5 until the entire season was complete, and so dave is going to watch it all with me =D
My mum and my dad bought me new things =D lol.. mum bought me a new bag and jacket! woo.. and my dad bought me pre-paid internet.. ne got himself a new asus laptop and he lets me use it =D if i move home.. lol
Anyways, i was looking around on facebook and realised so many 'fake' photos.. like.. i know its alright to have lovos.. but i really really dont like girls n guys who photoshop.. its mis-leading..
And again.. would you really be ok with yourself if u were completely photoshopped??
i mean what would you think when you look back on the photo and think..
Who the fuck was that...
not only that.. but anyone that is smart enough to notice the photoshopping.. can tell you that its done pretty bad..
i am at a life block again, nothing that horrible.. its just i guess i cant figure out what im going to do with my life..
im currently re-thinking my studies, and to be more realistic with it, where am i getting at with it..?? the lady at the job agency told me that i should be looking for something better than 'just drawing' she was a big stupid bitch tho, but she has a proper job.
so it just boils down to this small little thing..
weather things will work out..
we're growing up.. and everyday.. i get more and more scared..
see this is the thing.. i am currently doing something i love.. but it is a dead end really.. should i continue this.. or should i be working towards something bigger?
thats only if my health doesnt get to me first..or a car.. Lol
night
Monday, May 24, 2010
i love my baby
he can carry me.. =D
he lost my brand new camera
im so mad at him..
works been great
got 30$ tips this week!!!
ITS BRITHDAY SEASON!!!
me n dave decided to get a plant =)
cause we cant have any animals
Sunday, May 23, 2010
why are you still so naive to realise that people we know and think are nice people are still capable of something so horrible like rape and pedophilia?
it was hard for me to understand it too..
but the people you least expect to be a freak like that.. is..
i dont know how or what possess them to doing something as horrible as that..
but it reality..
Well i lost my camera.. well.. dave did..
and im deeply heartbroken..
i worked so hard and waited so long for that camera..
now its gone..
its been almost a week since i've been staying here.. it feels so long and yet so little.. i guess just the thought of my parents being alone makes me really sad..
you know what else i realised too about not having much family here.. its the reason for so much things thats happened in my life, its the reason for my bad viet, i never had anyone to talk to really sides my mum, and she treats me like a baby and lets me get away with saying everything wrong.. i noticed that when i saw the kids at work talk to their uncle and grandmother, they would always correct them and teach them right. i dont blame my parents for me sucking at viet, they had to work and support us so they were always wayy too busy for us, but i am glad that they worked at home so they were always there for us =)
another thing i realised was how much me and my brother want to escape from all that tho, not to seem awful but i guess they did keep us so closed in when we were younger...
unless im just making up reasons to cover up how horrible we are as someones children..
we are good kids tho.. i know we are.. i guess something just went wrong somewhere..
it just really sucks having a language barrier between us..
i cant even tell them that i need them for support.. or that i love them
realisations are ither a wonderful thing or just something you with you didnt know..
i had one today about the guy thats right next to me snoring his ass off..
i realised that i love him =)
i realised how much things from the past doesnt bother me anymore and that i really am happy with him..
im so happy =)
i wanna hug him now! but his all sweaty.. its kinda gross...
i hugged him anyways! n he hugged me back =D *mawww*
guess wat tho..
i got high credits for painting class!!!
and the teacher said i had talent.. ^__^
i thought i sucked at that class thee most..
now im in love with her... hahaha
well i should get some sleep and also note down what i wanna blog about cause i think of much more interesting things during the day >=( NITEE
Something I haven’t really been talking about as detailed as I wanted.. I don’t know why, I really would love to tell everyone this corny story instead of repeat the same crap you hear from everyones little love story…
But I will tell you the story about him..
For a very long time now me and him have had this thing at parties.. when we see eachother at the same parties we’d be together cause I don’t know anyone else too well, which was my reason, his reason would probably because I was the only girl there most of the time. But every time we do anything at the parties he would always try something with me.
There have been many moments where he would tell me to leave my current boyfriend and be with him cause I would tell him how bad things were. He would tell me what every other guy told me really and say, that he would treat me much better, never lie and cheat and all that stuff… I’ve heard that way too much to know never to fall for that stuff anymore.
After me and dale broke up however we decided to go on a date, we went out with mike, I tried to make him quit smoking, he tried.. everything ended fine.. but I had such a drawnback feeling towards everything because I just got out of a relationship.. I don’t think its what I wanted yet.. also I wouldn’t let him kiss me.. it ended the day after
My gay thing happened while he was seeing another girl after i shut him down and destroyed that innocent part of him.. I don’t want to say what. At a party of mine we were flirting at the side of my house.. and there was something there.. I walked closer to him to kiss him but someone interrupted us and he left soon after… I felt so odd.. Wondering if he still felt the same way he did before
Everything was dropped and forgotten after that. Things then happened between him and the girl he was seeing and he wanted company to get him away from the depressing thoughts. So I kept him company, me and warren took him out with us, that was about 60 days till new years.. and 3 single people sat at the bar vowing to stay single till new years together.. SORRY WARREN!!!
I took dave, Kevin and soz out to eat steak a couple of nights after that.. and dropped everyone else home and ended up sitting in the car talking to dave till 3am. He kept asking if I wanted to go inside, cause his mum kept calling and telling him to come inside.. I had to leave soon enough..
And he tried to kiss me again.. and honestly if anyone really doesn’t know me, its not the easiest thing trying to kiss me unless ur a girl.. or kurt n artiene <3 lol sorry.. haahah
Anyways I didn’t back off this time.. and that was the most amazing kiss ever.. I was shaking like crazy, I was so nervous. It was like one of those kisses you hear about in the movies or in a fairy tale. I know you wouldn’t believe me until it happens to you but it was truly amazing.. I came home with the biggest smile in my face.. and ever since then we were secretly seeing eachother..
That’s how we started. I’ll stop talking about te history of him but I will tell you about how he is to me.. and honestly.. I never really knew how gental a relationship could really be, everytime I did something to piss him off, the things I did where I knew my ex would’ve slapped me across the face for straight away, he just shook it off… I keep expecting something to happen.. I keep flinching at those moments.. but nothing happens.. he just always has a smile with me. He let me wait as well.. not for as long as I intended which would be one of his regrets but he was one of the many guys who didn’t just think about his penis.. yes.. think about it.. we went to school together man.. how weird is that! Lol
Gillian told me that he hopes I find a man that makes me feel like I should.. and I feel that I have because he really is so wonderful.. people that have known him for long, I know its harder to believe because of his attitude towards so many things but if u really love something, you’ll do anything right? Well he does almost everything for me. So no more pretending or lying about things a relationship I was ashamed of.. cause im not ashamed of him in anyway.. he really is special to me, and I wanted to show that to the world =D
Now to regain my balls again..
i think my tafes friends r gonna get me a strap on
lying in my bed i hear the clock ticking i think of you..
no.. its not about that..
i cant remember what it was about..
BUT me and dave are officially living together.. i just finished moving most of my stuff into his room!!!
we've been together for half a year already.. time sure flys... its seems like a short amount of time tho.. just 6 months.. but you know we've known each other for 6-7 years.. and we were pretty close too...
well the question of the day would is.. if you had only 18 hours to live.. what would you do?
how are you able to give up on someone..
why would you ever give up hope on someone..
2 random facts about me..
i dont like looking people in the eye.. i am still able too.. but i dont do it as much as normal people do..
i realised that when steve was staring at me while we were talking.. but he was staring at the side of my head cause i just dont look at people..
its one of my shy things, people say its rude but i really cant help it
fact number 2!
i dont get bored of tv shows much, i could watch scrubs, how i met your mother, simpsons, friends, will and grace and such and such hundrads of times before i ever get bored of it
anyways, i have a small work break cause im changing my monday shifts to fridays now, which means i cant do much on fridays now, unless i ask first or come very late. i finish at 12. but it just meant that i had a 4 day break from work, wooo.. im pretty happy with it.. we've been shopping quite a bit lately
FACT 3
i am very materialistic, as much as i dont want to be, but it just really really makes me happy...
so we went DFO the other day with warren albert and steveie, then went home shopping with daves family.
i got new boots! there are soo high, but i got them pretty cheap for boots <3<3!!
also bought another normal pair of boots for tafin n stuff
well today moni came over and we played with daves sister.
oh btw.. me and dave offically live together now, i recently moves 1/5 of my things here.. i have wayy to much stuff..
we also just bought anne a fake restraunt set and doctor set.
Nats Facebook pet peeve
1! Girls under a certain UN legal age.. should keep their clothes on..
2! its kinda sad using a photo that had to be cut from a group photo just cause that one moment that one night you looked fairly alright, this also go for the people that do it just cause u want to hide the fact that you had a boyfriend/girlfriend
3! pllleaseeee dont share imformation about your sex life on facebook.. nooobody needs to know..
4! there are more than just one angle and one look people can make in photos.. please try it..
5! people who make groups or bans about themselves... kinda sad..
i feel as tho i am the devil sometimes.. not cause of what i do and how i live my life but i just cant help but feel that its what im seen as sometimes...
i forgot to mention this story the other day but i guess i'll say it now
i was working on mothers day at the cafe, and on mothers day, all restaurants are booked out and so all the restaurants around us were packed.. not use tho which sucked.
but around 7-8pm there were sirens everywhere, cops and ambulance rushing down our street. we thought it was soemthing normal like some dickhead crashed some other car again, cause that happens on our street weekly.. theres always a crash there somewhere, its such a horrible road.
well we werent as curious untill the helicopters came and landed at the park near the scene.. steve and quine decide to walk over to see what was happening.
it turns out that a 21 month old boy was hit my a car
steve saw his family on thier knees crying and said that they were preforming CPR on the boy
the scene cleared silently
and steve realised because of that that the boy didnt make it
and started to cry
while i stood there feeling nothing.
this happened on mothers day, when the whole family gets together
and they all had to watch their new son die.
you cant hate me for such reason, you can only love me for who i am and accept my chosen path..
im sorry..
well we had photography today..
this is my other concept to faceless portraits
you like?? cause i know albert would like this =D
i just printed off some picture off the net and cut them out.
i think they look pretty spunky =D
so what do you think?
im asking around to see if anyone would be able to model for me for these ones, just doing normal daily activities but wearing these as masks, so if anyone is free when im free and would like to be in my project then please do tell me ^_^ thankies!
Well im sorta in the woods at the moment about a lot of things thats been happening, i dont want to say anything too specific.. but its something that bothers me so much and i really dont know what to do with that thought..
one other thing thats on my mind is how it feels like things are repeating themselves like a loop.. nothings new and exciting anymore which makes it even more difficult to grasp as i know what the outcome would be..
and it would ither only hurt myself or someone i love..
haha i sound like a complete loser at the moment, but i dont know how else to explain my thoughts without actually saying what is wrong..? unless that would actually make things better..?? having the problem out there in the open?
i guess i should shed some light on some things..
well my life has changed dramatically since this time last year.. in all sorts of ways as well..new relationship, new job, new friends, new career path..
change is always good right? and im quite liking it at the moment, not everything tho.. i would love to be able to see my friends more often and actually be happy around them instead of blank cause im just too tired..
but there are the things that dont change.. which is my thought process.. i know i've matured much more now seeing as i havent tried to do anything stupid.. but why do i still have thoughs thoughts that i am?
and why am i still worrying about stupid things.. and letting them bug me..
ruining my mental stability..
it makes me more confused about who i really am..
and therefore makes me a hypocrite in all sence..
there is one thing that i wish didnt change..
and that is the to be able to feel something
instead of lack the most important thing there is to being human..
do you believe in the future? and what do you hope for?
for photography this semester we have to take a series of photos that involved faceless portraits, just a creative way to doing portraits where the face isnt that visible.
here are just some of the photos we took today
i didnt know weather the coloured one or the greyscale was more stronger
Well thats my attempt for the night, i might take some more photos tomorrow with a new approach towards faceless portraits.
as for now i shall show you my painting of the sea then get some rest
Where the sea meets the sky..
i really like it cause it reminds me of how beautiful the ocean is
i am finding it quite difficult getting use to blogspot..
But here is my new blog ^__^
Well for anyone who doesnt know me already.. heres a little about myself..
Name..Natalie.. its written all over the page.. Age:20 this year Background:Vietnamese Favorite Food:Lasagna, cheese cake, candy!! I Like:happy things, colours, food, dave, imagination, cute tubby animals, bunnies, my random chain of thought, my friends, my family, my pets, stupid random humor, dressing up, play-doh, cooking, chubby My obsession: Shoes, Piercings, Lingerie and costumes Habits:collecting things, smelling everything, sneezing, taking photos, Pet Peeves: when someone is driving really close to you when your about to turn, a group of clones.. like common! have some originality, Andy Warhol, judging a book by its cover (which yes, i am guilty of sometimes) Secret Love: SNM... secret hate:suprises.. hahah im sorry.. but im normally really disappointed when people surprise me
